when i was a SAHM

my last post before abandoning this blog of mine 2 years ago was about hiring a maid/looking for a baby-sitter/daycare centre for my twins before their arrival. i was about 3 months+ preggie at that time. we took our own sweet time as we had plenty of time to waste then.

one fine day, i received first hand news on our company restructuring plan and gotta know that my dept would be eliminated mercilessly! boy i was feeling terrible about losing my job and was really lost, couldn't figure out as to how to continue living with additional expenses when the twins came along. however, at the same time i was jumping with joy! it was a mixed feeling, but the feeling of being on top of the world was perfect on the day i finally received the confirmation. to me, the baby-sitter search was put to an abrupt stop! i was going to take care of my twins MYSELF! that means i was going to be a full-time mommy! i was elated, over-joyed, thank god for granting me my wish!

life didn't come easy after that...and i don't mean financially. i was a full-time mommy for a period of 10 long months! and what did i learn after that? never to become a stay at home mum again!

i was really drained to the max, going to bed with flat battery everyday. sleepless nites, pumping milk every 3 hourly (as a result of 100% breast-feeding to twins! i kid you not!), having meals at the oddest hours --> breakfast at 12pm, lunch at 3pm, dinner at 9pm, supper at 12am, waking up at odd hours, stop going for facial sessions for 2 years (stopped when i was in my 3rd trimester), looked skinny (as the hokkien says 'skin wrap bones'), sunken cheeks, looking really exhausted and as if i was suffering from a cronic disease (yes, that's what my friends asked when they saw me in the malls). i lost quite a great deal of weight. from a pre-pregnancy weight of 50kg to 78kg; my last weight on the day before c-section, to 45kg 3 months after delivery. i was considered under-weight for a year plus; couldn't fit into my old clothes and was looking physically ghostly! i rarely took any phots at that time, that's because i really looked like a ghost then!

i have been dieting all my life but to no avail. i thought i was going to be on diet till i reach 50 years of age, luckily giving birth helped me lost all the unwanted weight. but i didn't like it. i lost weight too drastically, it made me looked so much older than my true age. i wasn't taking care of my physical appearance then, i didn't since i wasn't going anywhere, just stayed at home all the time, with the usual routine trips to mum's & in laws' on weekends. that's it. then i got scared that i would look anerotic so much so i started eating like a pig. i would have 2 helpings for each meal, topping up with snacks in between. for the first time of my life, i wanted to put on weight!! it was fun O.o

well, i started putting on weight after i stopped breast-feeding. i'm now back to my normal self, but with 2kg below my pre-pregnancy weight. it was my wish weight! when i was dieting, i always wished for 47kg weight...and now i'm at 48kg and still increasing. i'm not complaining, in fact i'm way too glad to be what i am now. at least i look fleshy - a bit and i like the way i look now. i love myself minus the bulging tummy.

happy new year 2011!!!

thank godness i don't earn a living blogging. i've been wanting to start my own blog since aeons ago; well, actually i did have a blog before. started so eagerly when i was 3-4 months preggie??? i don't remember anymore. i always thought that the blog would still be there all the time, so i would be able to continue "blogging" anytime i want in future (in this case, future never came till today). guess what! i procrastinated 2 years!!! my favourite phrase is: how time flies like nobody's business! i blogged halfway in the middle of my pregnancy, stopped due to laziness and was hopeful i can continue when the lazy bug went away but it didn't!!! i wanted to capture my preggie moments...didn't quite make it. i wanted to blog again after giving birth...didn't make it also. and now my twins are 20 months already. blogging re-appears in my 2011 resolution list, i'm 3 days behind time now :(

well, actually i wanted to continue using my old blog. tried extremely hard to recall the login id & password but couldn't log in! so i created a new blog and started a new post and halfway typing, i went back to the login page again & tried to re-login, IT WORKED!!! so i copied & pasted this post into the old blog. yippie!!! what am i going to do with my newly created blog then? ooppss!! will figure out later how to delete the new blog.

i'm finally blogging again...i'm soooooooo proud of myself for the strong determination! kudos to cindy!!!